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Dunkin’ Donuts vs. Krispy Kremes March 17, 2009

Posted by flightdeparting in Love, Relationships, Women (Venutians).
Tags: , , ,
Krispy Kreme vs. Dunkin' Donuts

Choose wisely.

Since the dawn of time, man has chased after two types of women.  Well, maybe the dawn of time is a bit of a hyperbole.  It’s probably closer to when they could wrap their dongs and not leave a horrible mistake.  Let’s start over, shall we?

Since the time when man could wrap his dong and not receive a horrible baby-shaped-mistake nine months down the line, he has chased after two types of women: the Krispy Kreme and the Dunkin’ Donut.  These two are polar opposites, black vs. white, Yin vs. Yang, people who wear Crocs vs. anyone who isn’t a fucking retard.  Now let’s break it down.

Krispy Kremes are the ultimate donuts.  They are light, fluffy, and just plain sugary perfection.  I have, on occasion downed an entire baker’s dozen in one go.  Shortly after, I had a mini-coronary. More significantly though, I wouldn’t think about them again for months on end.

Krispy Kremes (KK) are the women every man dreams of.  They are the ones that knock you off your feet the moment they enter the room.  They are gorgeous, impulsive, adventurous, and like a part of God’s practical joke–mostly high maintenance.  These are the women that cause empires to crumble (A: Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor, Angelina Jolie) and men to go bankrupt.  Every man wants one, but eventually can’t handle them.

Dunkin’ Donuts are the kind of donuts that you wake up to every day. They become part of a ritual. You have one with your morning cup of coffee, and your day starts off with a stride. You do this for months on end, every weekday, and it becomes almost second nature.

Dunkin’ Donuts (DD) are the kind of woman you don’t mind waking up to every morning (A: Jennifer Aniston).  They aren’t amazing but they’re consistently good.  They’re nice, they fulfill your needs to an extent, but they only meet the quota — they don’t tend to exceed it. But after a while it gets boring and thoughts start drifting off to finding yourself a Krispy Kreme to knock boots with.

John F. Kennedy is the perfect embodiment of the conflict between man’s desire for both a DD and a KK. Jackie Kennedy was the perfect housewife. She was cultured, beautiful, and intelligent. She was the ideal housewife, which ironically, made her dull after a while. A prototypical DD. On the other hand Marilyn Monroe was the paradigm of KKs. She was a firecracker – smoking hot, unpredictable, impulsive, and utterly uncontrollable. She threatened to unravel JFK’s life. Despite this, JFK was helpless to resist her charms.

It’s a cycle of self destruction for men. Our tastes rotate between the stable but mediocre DDs and the unpredictable but explosive KKs.  In the end though, all we can hope for is someone who keeps our interest but won’t leave us in shambles by the end of the relationships.  Like the great scribe, Ludacris, once said, “We want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed.”*  Unfortunately, this DD-KK hybrid doesn’t exist.  So take your pick gentlemen.  Death by either boredom or bankruptcy.

Term of the Day

Krispy Kreme [krsp krm]
-noun, yummy donut store
1. A woman who is incredibly hot, but is impulsive, unstable, high maintainance and likely to lead to ruin.

Dunkin’ Donut [dngk-in dnt]
-noun, yummy donut store
1. A woman who is nice and meets all requirements on paper, but is otherwise dull, lifeless, and brings no excitement later in the relationship.

*”Yeah!” by Usher, ft. Ludacris and Lil’ Jon

[A’s Comments:
Please feel free to take offense at this analogy, females.  I certainly do.  Though, I certainly can’t help but see some underlying truth here, as well..]



1. Caitlin - March 20, 2009

Offense taken. ;P
But I agree, can’t help but notice the underlying truth in this.

2. sAAsh - March 20, 2009

My problem with this is that it’s very black-&-white. I think a KK one day can easily become a DD (Come on, gents, we’ve all witnessed this)–and there are some DD that are KKish when they really want to be.

I’m not sure if there’s a good fusion doughnut to describe this, but there are definitely hybrids.

aslantedglance - March 20, 2009

I agree. There are definitely some hybrids and some off-days for both.

3. jian - March 29, 2009

i also disagree on this kk v. dd dichotomy. kk-dd hybrids do exist — rare, but yes. one of my roommates for one. (handsoff frankie ;p)

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